Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lessons About Marriage

As brides, we get overwhelmed and preoccupied with wedding preparations. Let's keep in mind that more than the wedding, it's the marriage we have to prepare ourselves for. Here's a good read I wish to share with all brides. It was written by Conchita Razon for the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

By Conchita Razon

Raise your glasses and drink a toast to all thecourageous souls who bravely step out and defy the sad and coldstatistics of marriages that burn up or burn out. God bless them. Onthe verge of a dark and uncertain future, they hold their lights upand dare to believe in forever.In the US, the figures are staggering.. Roughly 50 percent ofmarriages end in divorce. Of these, a good 59 percent are couples whohave lived in, before marriage.And yet, I read somewhere that mostwomen dream of, at least once in their lifetimes, walking down theaisle "all dressed in white."

Are we giving more thought to the wedding and less to the marriage?

It takes courage to say "I do." Samuel Johnson said it well:"Marriageis the triumph of hope over experience."Asked to impart some words (of wisdom?) to hopeful couples, I can onlycall on my own battle scars and bruises. After two attempts at"happily ever after," these are some of the lessons I have learned.

I would not try to win every argument. There are no prizes after all.Being right is not really important. Issues do not get resolved if oneparty retreats into a corner.

I would bite my tongue and not let my anger speak out. Words have away of slipping out, doing irreparable damage and there's no way totake them back. Wit and sarcasm are first cousins. When let loose theycreate mortal wounds.

Learn to talk to one another. Learn to whisper. It brings you close.

Pray together. Let the third party in your marriage be no one else but God.

There is no wrong time to apologize. Hang your pride on the door post.It isn't true that love means never having to say you're sorry. Iwould not miss the sweet tender moments of making up, no matter thatthe pillow is still soaked with your tears.

I would be patient. Two pieces of wood, rubbed thoughtfully oneagainst the other, will produce a spark. And then, with a gentlebreath, it bursts into flame. In this day of instant and cybereverything, it is important not to expect love to blaze with a click.

You work at a marriage. There are no shortcuts. There are bumps on theroad. That's no reason to get out of the car. You learn to travel overthem, around them, if necessary take another route, but alwaystogether.

Tell each other secrets. Build on your trust for one another.

Love is important, but respect is even more so.

Share your dreams. Make plans. Help one another achieve your goals.In spite of a far from commendable track record, I would not give upon love. I would still love with all of me. I know no other way.

They say that a successful marriage begins when we marry the one welove… and blossoms when we love the one we marry. The secret is tofall in love, over and over again, with the same person.Pity. One learns that sometimes a little too late.

Remember: It is not important to think alike, but you must thinktogether. It is not so much the dance, but that you move together tothe same music.

Make a million memories.

Take it from me. When the sun starts setting, when friends are few andnights are long, those precious memories will keep you company. Theywill be your warm blanket on a cold and lonely night. No one andnothing can take them away from you. They are yours always.

Only then will you know that you have found forever.